I miss blogging terribly

Realistically, I think at this point I just kind of miss "me time."  SO MUCH has changed since the last time I even looked at my blog, and so much of it is absolutely wonderful, but it doesn't change the fact that I greet the setting of the sun with nothing but exhaustion and thoughts of my head hitting the pillow, nothing more. 

On a side note, does anyone have any idea how to change my primary email account to log into blogspot?  I haven't used the email that's associated with this blog in a ridiculously long time.

Well, rather than getting into a personal blog about what's different and how, I thought I'd start off with something fun.  A friend, Rakhi, tagged me in one of these fun lil' "answer 11 questions" blog.  I thought it'd be a good introduction back into the swing of things while my little peanut is napping.  So - here we go! 

1) What is your greatest gift? 

 

This is a no brainer to me.  My family.  Hands down.  I find myself thanking God for my husband and my daughter throughout the course of the entire day.  His ability to make me laugh and his overwhelming support and love on a 24/7 basis, and her ability to melt my heart and transform my whole perspective on life within the blink of an eye...it's truly overwhelming.  Plus, just to add to the "gift" factor, we were told over a year ago that we probably wouldn't be able to have kids when I was diagnosed with PCOS.  What a wonderful shock when we found out we were pregnant!! 

2) What makes you joyful?

 

Oh there are so, so many good answers to this question.  True joy for me, though, comes from honest to goodness laughter.  I'm talking hand on the belly, tears in the eyes laughter.  I have a few friends that have a direct line to my funny bone, and a few trusted TV shows that I can usually turn to...but honestly, the awkward moments in life are the ones that just bring so much unexpected laughter into my everyday meanderings.

Example:  Yesterday, hubby, baby and I were sitting patiently in our car, waiting for our pizza at the best local joint to finish cookin'.  Out of nowhere, a woman in her mid-to-late 50's (and thoroughly spaced out, might I add) came up to the driver's side of the car and proceeded to try to open it and get in.  We didn't want to make her feel like an idiot, but, well, it was our car, and we had been sitting in it for quite some time.  So we chose the path of awkward silence while we stared at her, hoping that the moment would pass quickly if we stood absolutely still (because, apparently, women in their mid-to-late 50's are like T-Rexes, and their vision is based on movement).  She finally noticed us, and continued to stare into the car with this look of pure, utter confusion on her face, as if to say "This is supposed to be my car, and it's not, and you're in it, and I don't know why."  After a few more moments of what can only be described as "tension," she finally wandered off and got into her vehicle (at least I hope it was her vehicle).  Good point to add in:  her vehicle was a grey SUV.  We drive a black Ford Focus.  Just sayin'.  

3) What is one blog you faithfully read?

 

Um, well, I don't really faithfully read any blogs.  There are a few blogs that friends write that I'll read through when I think of it, and pinterest has me hooked on various cooking blogs...but that's truly about it.  I lead a non-exciting blog life.  

 

4) What is your favorite book and why?

 

Throw me on a desert island with enough prep time to grab food, water, a journal, and only one book, and without hesitation, I will grab my beaten up copy of To Kill A Mockingbird.  I have read this book more times than I can count, and the reason that I love the book more than any other is because as I grow and change in a variety of ways, so, too, does my perspective on the characters of the book.  It was incredible to me how I related to each character more or less depending on what stage of life I was in...Scout, Jem, Atticus, even obnoxious Dill to a certain extent.  

When baby girl is old enough for her first honest to goodness chapter book with some meat to it, I will give her a copy of To Kill A Mockingbird, and I can only hope that she'll love it as much as I have throughout the years.  

5) If you had to play a fictional character in a movie, who would it be and why?

 

I'm taking creative liberty here and using a fictional character from a TV show.  I'm currently all about the character of Maggie in "The Walking Dead."  I'll do my absolute best to break down her layers of awesome so you can truly understand why I wouldn't want to be anyone but Maggie:

• Her ability to swallow her pride (after a while) and recognize when she's wrong.  She still allows herself a decent amount of time for standing her ground in stubborn, sassy fashion.
• Her simplicity.  She's a farm girl that still has a sense of style that I really like.
• Her ability to speak her mind to her family and boyfriend without reservation.
• Last, but certainly not least, she is a BAD ASS.  Takin' out zombies and standing her own personal ground with the living - that's what I'm talkin' about!! 

6) If you had to eat one food for the rest of your life, what would it be?

 

 I love Mexican food, particularly nachos with either ground beef, pulled chicken, or pulled pork.  And lots of cheese.  With extra jalapenos.  And sour cream.  Oh my gosh, I'm so hungry.

 

7) If you could hire help for one thing in your life, what would it be?

 

 Cleaning out my car.  And I'm not talking about just picking up my trash.  I want White Lightning (my beloved white Ford Focus) detailed on a bi-weekly basis.  And I want an air freshener that smells like someone just cracked a bag of gummy bears.

 

8) How are you Christ's hands and feet in the world today?

 

I actively seek to be open-minded and compassionate to each individual that I meet.  I choose to listen and comfort even those who I strongly disagree with.  This doesn't just apply to strangers.  There's a very short list of people that I truly don't care for, but even when it comes to those "select" few, I pray for patience and acknowledge their feelings and opinions.  It may not seem like the biggest way to bring the Kingdom of Heaven to the Earth, but I feel like it's the first step that we could all take to try and make life a bit more peaceful and humane.  

 

9) What is your biggest pet peeve?

Funny enough, my mom and I were just talking about this today.  Currently, my biggest pet peeve is people who I refer to as "one-uppers."  I dealt with one-uppers a lot when I was pregnant.  I didn't have the worst pregnancy on the planet, but I certainly didn't have the easiest pregnancy, either.  And my delivery was so. freaking. awful.  Now, women in general always ask how you're feeling when you're pregnant or immediately after your delivery - it's a beautiful community of compassion and commiseration.  However, it's littered with women who always have to say how they were better/worse off than you.

"How are you feeling, Pam?"
"Not too bad.  The sciatica thing is for the birds, but I'm getting through it."
"You have no idea what it's like to have a rough pregnancy.  Why, when I was pregnant...etc etc"

"You're getting close to the big day, Pam!  Are you ready for it?"
"Oh my gosh, yes.  I'm so uncomfortable."
"You know, you should just be happy that you're pregnant.  When I was trying to get pregnant...etc etc"

So, in conclusion, people who ask you how you're doing, and you give them either a positive or negative response, and they immediately turn the subject to how they are SOOOO much more positive or negative than you - those people drive me absolutely batshit crazy.  

Oh, and people who text while driving.  Effing hate that.   

 

10) What is your greatest fear?

 

After losing my Papa last September, I've discovered that the loss of my closest loved ones is something that absolutely terrifies me.  Specifically - every time there's talk of another potential deployment for my hubby, my heart drops into the pit of my stomach.  Take every material possession that I own.  My house, my car, my clothes, even my beloved copy of To Kill A Mockingbird that I mentioned earlier...none of that would phase me as much as the loss of another loved one in my life, particularly the loss of my husband.  

 

11) When you are having a bad day, what is one thing that is sure to turn it around?

 

Any level of sweetness from the hubby is always wonderful, and I've quickly discovered that my baby girl's smiles will melt away any and all frustration and anxiety that I've been feeling during recent sleepless nights and crying spells.  That's an obvious answer, though.  The least obvious answers would be:  a super hot bubble bath with a glass of wine and a good book, a nice long car ride with a hot beverage of some kind, a rum & coke while watching South Park reruns, or playing board games with friends. 

The Terrifying Truth About Graduating (Again)

Ah, cap and gown, we meet again. Third time is the charm, right? ...Right? *cricket chirps*

...You hear all of these guarantees about going just a little further in school. "You'll land a job easier." "The whole 'five years or more experience' on job postings will be null and void once you have your master's." "You may as well go back to school, because no one is hiring now anyways. Don't worry about taking on more unpaid internships."

Here's the truth: There's no longer a secret-ish recipe for employment success. There's no set amount of degrees, internships, or quantities of ramen noodles consumed that will instantly land you the job that you envisioned when you walked across that stage to finally (finally) receive your diploma. You're going to get out into the real world and look (and look...and look...) for that just-right-opportunity, and you're going to have to put in your networking and door-knocking time, just like every other person.

Don't get me wrong - working towards my master's degree has been one of the most challenging and rewarding experiences for me. It went beyond the classroom, though. For starters, there were some courses that were more rewarding than others (which you'll find in any program at any university), but each class had its own unique opportunity for me to broaden my horizons. Whether it was re-learning how to work in a group setting (regardless of your level of expertise, you will always be stuck in groups where someone is not fully pulling their weight)how to network properly and maintain relationships with professionals (*tip* Four words: fancy clothes and beer), or how to pull yourself through a project that doesn't interest you in the slightest - I learned a lot of valuable lessons on how to proceed forward in the working world.

Aside from the various educational moments, a whole lot of "life" happened in the two and a half years that I was in the program. A moment of self-pride here: I learned how to pull myself through just about anything. I had an unbelievable amount of support from family and friends, but when it came down to it, my master's degree was the moment where I had to decide what level of success I demanded of myself.

So what is the terrifying truth of graduating again? The economy is still daunting, and most people don't want to give my resume even an initial glance. I'm an intelligent and hard working young woman, but I'm still young, the cardinal sin in the professional world. The piece of paper with "Master of Public Administration" written across the top and the honor cords around my neck will not determine anything for me. Only I can decide where everything will go from here.

Terrifying. Empowering, but terrifying.

A Year of Change

My life has always moved at a stunningly fast pace, which is a cause for concern for both friends and families. There are days (weeks, months, years) where I disappear off of the map entirely, only to reappear out of the blue, gasping for a breath of fresh air and a cold drink. I'll stay for a few minutes, just long enough to remind myself of how much I love and miss the important people in my life, and then I'll force myself to jump back into the chaos of life and to keep my focus on the light at the end of the tunnel.

This year's pace hasn't altered one bit from the standard. The main difference is I'm at the finish line for so many different aspects of my life that I have to concentrate with all of my might to not lose momentum - all while kick-starting the next phase, which includes a whole lot of work and worries.

My marriage to Tim has started a whole new chapter of my life on so many levels that I couldn't even begin to explain all of the joy (and complexities) that comes along with it. The newest development has been house hunting, which is tremendously exciting. The start of a new life in a new home...it's hard to really wrap my head around it.

Grad school is finally coming to a close. Two long years of continuous studying, presentations, group work, and essays - all coming to a sudden conclusion, complete with a peacock blue tassel and hood, honor cords, and fancy piece of paper. I look back on all of the people that have influenced me and pushed me in the right direction over the course of both my undergrad and grad degree, and I'm overwhelmed with gratitude. I don't even know how to fully say "thank you" to these people.

Work opportunities aren't exactly presenting themselves like I had anticipated, but I've made the switch from the Bou to Trader Joe's, only because of the increase in pay and potential "plan B" management opportunities. It's been a bittersweet transition. I'm looking forward to meeting new people and experiencing something different, but over the past four years, the Bou surpassed a "workplace" and became a little oasis for me when things got rough.

Moral of the story: transitions are terrifyingly beautiful.

Signs that I'm turning into the crazy cat lady

1. I have two of them. And I still refer to my mom & dad's cat as "my cat." So three cats. I feel like somewhere, off in the distance, there's some prophet looking into a glass ball, saying ominously "It begins..."

2. When describing my two cats, rather than explaining them as "an all black cat" and a "calico," I talk about them as if they have distinct characteristics and personality traits, like a person. "My one cat's name is Goblin, and he's morbidly obese. My other cat's name is Gypsy, and she's the bane of my existence."

3. I talk to my cats in two ways. The first way is a simple you-meow-I-meow conversation. The second is more of a reprimanding...I have to continuously remind both of my cats that they're not human beings. "Stop sitting at the table. And don't sit on the table either." "Potato chips aren't for cats." "STOP TRYING TO DRINK OUT OF MY GLASS. YOU'RE NOT A PERSON." Either way, they're used to me acknowledging them constantly, because Moses forbid I'm on the phone with someone, they'll follow me around and cry to the heavens until I turn around and shout at them (which, in their cat brains, is the equivalent of me basking in their feline glory).

4. The cats did something ridiculous? Break something? Run head-first into a piece of furniture that has always, always been in the same spot? Don't worry - I'll be sure to start the conversation with my husband by saying "You will not believe what your cats did today."

5. My inhumane schedule prevents me from having a real social life, so sometimes my cat stories are the only ones that have any level of humor to them. People don't really appreciate them. "Goblin was drinking water the other day, looked up at me, and being the idiot he is, wanted to meow and drink at the same time. So he meowed, and all of the water that he forgot to swallow fell out of his mouth and went all over the ground. Then he looked at it, as if he didn't know where it came from." *cricket chirps*

6. I wrote a blog post about my cats. Case in point.

Wedding Planning: The Ultimate Lenten Challenge

Background note: I'm already a married woman. Tim and I decided in October of 2011 that we wanted to commit to each other marriage before he had to deploy to Afghanistan. We quickly planned the whole thing (6 days, to be specific), met at the Justice of Peace with two friends and our parents, and said our vows. Thirteen days later, he was on a plane heading across the world. He's home, safe and sound (thank You, God), and we decided to plan a day to celebrate the Sacrament of Marriage at my home parish, along with a proper celebration with our friends and family.

Ladies and gents, take my advice - just get married at the JOP and leave it at that. Or go to your home parish and wed secretly with only God, the Priest, and your folks present. Plan an after-party barbeque, and leave it at that. Because this whole wedding planning thing will drive you to drink.

I've found that it's really easy to let the materialistic culture of a wedding consume and cloud my mind, when really this is an intensely personal, yet public moment of love, trust, and faith between two individuals. It has been such a struggle wrenching my mind from the stress of what the hall will look like and what decorations I should purchase or rent, which is really shocking for me because I am by no means a materialistic. I'm not the type of person to sit online for hours and look at the different things that I want to buy, what will make me look "unique," and how many hours I'll need to work to afford these things that, on any other day, I would care nothing about.

But, to be frank, this is the most pressure I've ever been under in my life. The wedding is, in theory, a direct reflection of the couple's love, the parents' support of the couple, and the overall creativity of the bride.

I can hear family members and friends now - "It's your day - we just want you to be happy!" I have a whole plethora of issues with this statement. For starters, it's not my day. It's a day to celebrate the friendship, love, and commitment that my husband and I share. I refuse to give into the temptation of "This is what I've dreamed about since I was a little girl, and therefore, we're going to do it this way." Don't get me wrong - compromise on some issues really hasn't been my forte. The wedding shower in particular has been the biggest battle. Meshing what I have in my brain as the ideal day with what my in-laws are expecting has been so difficult and frustrating. It's only through the power of proper breathing and prayer that I've been able to take a step back and remind myself that, in the grand scheme of things, the wedding shower is a small dot on the spectrum of life that Tim and I will be spending together.

Furthermore, the wedding is celebrating the fact that our families have all shown us what it means to love, how to cherish one another, how to stay committed 'til death do us part. At the end of the day, it's not about the centerpieces, the chair covers, the food, the DJ, or the dress. The thought process, in my opinion, should be "My family taught me how to love. My belief in a loving God has expanded my capacity to love. I love you that much and then some. I'm with you for life, no matter what it brings." So, because my family and his family play such a huge role in this equation, they deserve a certain level of participation and say in how the day will progress.

...I just have to continually remind myself of that as I pour over menu after menu for restaurants that are potential wedding shower sites. Two more hours, and I'll have reached the socially-acceptable time to pour myself a rum and coke.

I'm alright with being angry about this. You should be, too.

To all who have subscribed (or even casually followed) my blog - I'm sorry for the prolonged silence. Grad school and an unbearable work schedule have forced me to temporarily set aside any and all hobbies, including leisurely reading and writing.

Anyways, moving on to the latest societal factor that is making me twitch.

I have been inundated with commercials for an upcoming movie called "No Strings Attached." I can't escape them - they're literally everywhere. TV, radio, Pandora, Facebook, Netflix Instant Queue, even in the Center for Student Activities at OU. I understand that this is pretty typical for movie advertisements. My complaint is that I have no desire to see this movie - or even associate myself with it - and I simply do not have the option of clicking it off and ignoring it.

So, a bit of rage has begun to bubble...and rather than risk an aneurysm, I'll just blog about it.

As of this point, I know the ins and outs of the entire plot. Natalie Portman plays a successful and incredibly busy woman, whose best friend is the charmingly idiotic Ashton Kutcher. She decides to offer the proposition of becoming sex friends - friends that have sex casually whenever they feel the bodily urge, with no commitment and no feelings past the physical. The one rule to this arrangement is that they can't let their emotions get out of hand. One scene in the advertisement actually shows Portman and Kutcher in bed after sex, with Portman encouraging Kutcher to avoid snuggling afterwards in order to avoid making things weird. So, as one would expect, Kutcher ends up beginning to fall in love with Portman, and the advertisement ends with Portman shouting "Why can't we just have sex?!" before flashing to the opening date of the film.

How sweet.

At what point did we become OK with this? If a man were to tell a woman "Why can't we just have sex?", he would be considered a chauvinist pig. But if a woman goes down this path, she's liberated, successful and sexy.

Am I the only woman on the planet who sees a slight problem with this?

I'm currently working on getting through my Master's program with a GPA of 3.7 or higher. I'm also picking up multiple side jobs whenever possible, not just for the money, but for the experience and possible connections that they might bring. And despite all of the work that I will be putting into my degree, all of the late nights and early mornings, and all of the things that I will put on hold to make this happen - I am constantly barraged with disturbing statistics. Women will make, on average, 70 cents to every dollar that a man makes for the same job. Women typically only have a 50% chance of receiving pay when they go on maternity leave. And women are not given managerial positions nearly as often as men are.

So yeah, needless to say, movies that portray the epitome of a successful and beautiful woman to be one that wants nothing more than a sexual relationship where she uses another human being is a tad frustrating.

I understand that solely watching this movie is not going to encourage the female population to start having casual sex friendships while abandoning all other dreams. But the fact of the matter is, our pop culture defines our society. It defines the level of acceptability. Not only do I want more for myself than just a good job and a casual sex friendship with no emotional attachment, but I want my future daughters to aspire - no, demand - more than that. Women should aspire to be, amongst a myriad of other things, intelligent, strong, compassionate, beautiful, and yes, sexy. But it takes a lot more to make a woman of that caliber than just, well, sex.

Being a strong, successful woman is so much more than the ability to take off your clothes and enjoy sex with no societal pressure. And I'm so disgustingly disappointed to see that the majority of women simply don't care to understand that.

I thought only Paris Hilton did that

It started when she first walked in the door - I said hello, and she said "Do you guys have almond milk?"

She was about 100 pounds soaking wet, and her skin was that burnt-cookie color that tends to only be associated with insecure, self-absorbed young adults and chameleons blending into the bark of a tree. Dressed in pristine, ankle-high heeled boots, a pre-torn denim skirt with a studded belt, and a black tank, you would've thought that she had stopped in to caffienate before going to a dance club complete with martinis and overly paid athletes. The problem is it was 5 o'clock on a Tuesday night - in Michigan.

After correcting her assumption that no, the title of "dark chocolate" does not in any way imply that it's vegan, she decided to go with a Black Thai Tea Latte, complete with an absurd amount of artificial flavorings and soy milk ("I just don't understand why no one carries almond milk," she complained pitifully, as if I could use my barista magic to contact the great Almond Cow and beg for a gift of it's precious milk).

As she walked out the door, I realized that in her overly-large prada purse was a tiny, shivering chihuahua, which looked back at me mournfully as she flipped her hair back and pulled her Droid phone out of her pocket. I didn't realize that creatures could look like they were experiencing suicidal thoughts until that moment.