I can't remember if I've updated about this recently or not, but I'm officially moved in with Tim. We've been living together for quite some time now - I think since February. It's been a major adjustment for a lot of reasons (and, surprisingly, living with Tim has not been the most complicated part).
Coming home to an empty house at night legitimately scared me for quite some time. On an average night, I get home from work around 10:30-11:00 pm, whereas Tim doesn't get home until 1:30-2:00 am. The silence would make my ears ring. I'd quickly turn on the TV to whatever garbage is on at that time, just to have some background clatter to make it feel like the noisy environment that I had recently moved out of. If there were dishes, I'd wash them. If there was laundry, I'd fold it. If there was homework, I would find some other meticulous cleaning that needed to be done and eventually get to writing that paper. In any case, I kept myself busy, not just because it was my home now and I wanted it to look presentable, but also because I didn't want to sit down and think about how often I was home alone, and how I've never had to deal with being alone for more than an hour or two at a time. I couldn't tell you why it frightened me - it just did.
To add to the whole "it was my home now" bit, I had to adjust to that, too. It sure didn't feel like my home until quite recently - it was still "Tim's place." No family pictures around, none of my candles or keepsakes had been unpacked because there were no shelves to place them on, none of my books were out. That ratty, fluffy white blanket that I was so used to curling up in wasn't on the couch anymore. That squeaky floor board right in front of the fridge that I would intentionally step on repeatedly to annoy my brother was replaced with a squeak-free one. And there was that damned silence again - the baby wasn't babbling and throwing his plastic cups around, and mom & dad weren't screaming at the referees during the Wings game.
The fact that I was feeling all these incredibly bizarre and overly emotional sentiments worried me. This was supposed to be one of the most exciting moments of my life, and instead, I feel disheveled and completely out of my comfort zone.
But, not surprisingly, I adjusted over time. Each cupboard became progressively more organized, pictures of my family started going up, a magnetic notepad with Snoopy and Charlie Brown has been placed on the side of the fridge - all little things that say "Pam resides here." Not only that, but the new time with Tim has been FANTASTIC. Sure, there have been things that irk me, just like there would be with any roommate (why, oh WHY, should the can opener go in the sink after being used? AND WHY IN THE HELL ARE ALL OF THE GIRL SCOUT COOKIES GONE?!!) But, between cooking meals together, playing a few rounds of cards, or just chatting at the end of the day, I really couldn't be happier with where we are at.
Overall, I'm getting used to being a big girl - and I'm pretty darn content.
Sunday, May 16, 2010
Wednesday, May 5, 2010
Now what?
I've always struggled with the concept of free time, because ever since I was a kid, I've always been involved in multiple organizations at the same time - dance classes, soccer, and so on. That never changed as I got older - it only got "worse." Multiple jobs, long hours, classes, extra school-related things on top of classes, student organizations, church involvement...you name it, I've participated in it.
Now, here I am. It's the beginning of what's sure to be a beautiful summer. No classes, work is only claiming 20-30 hours of my week...And here's the real kicker - I'm living on my own. Every detail of my time and energy is controlled by me, myself, and I. Now, I don't have any money to speak of, so I can't exactly go out and splurge on home decorating stuff, knitting/sewing materials, music, etc. But I still have all the free time in the world.
...I don't know what to do with myself.
Now, here I am. It's the beginning of what's sure to be a beautiful summer. No classes, work is only claiming 20-30 hours of my week...And here's the real kicker - I'm living on my own. Every detail of my time and energy is controlled by me, myself, and I. Now, I don't have any money to speak of, so I can't exactly go out and splurge on home decorating stuff, knitting/sewing materials, music, etc. But I still have all the free time in the world.
...I don't know what to do with myself.
Monday, May 3, 2010
Graduation
Yeah, yeah, I know. I suck at posting. I'm really, legitimately hoping that changes this summer.
So four years have come and gone, and I'm officially an OU alumni as of May 1st, 2010. Granted, I'm just going right back, so this is more of a massive speed-bump than anything, but I still can't fully wrap my head around the fact that I'm finished. I didn't get the grades that I wanted, and maybe I didn't do everything that I wanted to in the past four years - but I got through it, and I couldn't be more proud of myself.
For those of you who couldn't be at the graduation mass at SJF this past Sunday (*cough*Manda*cough*), I figured I would post my reflection here in case you were interested in reading it.
"Let me just say for starters, and I’m sure every graduate here can agree with me - I never thought I’d get to the point where I’d actually be wearing this cap & gown.
For those of you who don’t know me, my name is Pam Hester and I’m officially an OU alumni with a degree in Political Science & English (which basically means I’m OK with the idea of peanut butter & jelly at least twice a day for the next five-ish years). Because I’m passionate about American politics, I’ll often find myself getting into in-depth discussions about current events with people, particularly when it comes to the area of social justice, and almost every person that I’ve ever talked to in this sense will always ask “Why in the world are you a political science major?” It’s as if I’ve willingly accepted some sort of disease that will inevitably make me cantankerous, irrationally partisan, and greedy beyond all reason.
The truth is, getting this degree hasn’t just helped me become a more informed citizen, or a well-rounded student that’s ready to take on the master’s level courses in the fall. There’s a strong Christian calling for me within the social sciences. In the Gospel today, we hear Jesus give us that beautiful new commandment - the one that is as essential to being a Christian as believing in the death and resurrection of our Lord and Savior: “As I have loved you, so you also should love one another. This is how all will know that you are my disciples.” It’s agape - that unconditional and sacred love that should know no boundaries, have no expectations, and come as naturally as a smile.
There are so many examples of modern day Christian love emanating through what seems like nothing but depressing times, but sometimes it’s the smallest things that strike your heart so strongly that you feel as if Jesus himself is standing right next to you. A few years ago, I was working at a local bookstore at Christmastime (which seems like the strangest setting for an example of agape, considering any retail environment during the holiday season is just plain terrifying, but stick with me). We were in the middle of a massive rush, and I had a woman come up to the register with two impatient children, a huge pile of expensive items, and an expired coupon. Needless to say, she wasn’t pleasant. We completed her transaction, and she moved over a few feet to wrestle her kids into their jackets before they went out in the cold. Right after her, I had a boy come up to the register, and he was mentally impaired. He had a Magic Tree House book that he wanted to buy, and he handed me a five dollar bill. The problem is, those books typically run about $15. I tried to explain to him that he didn’t have enough money, but I couldn’t get him to understand, and I was at a complete loss as to what to do (furthermore, I couldn’t reach into my own pocket - that’s just asking for a write-up). The woman that I had just helped earlier was still working with her kids when she looked up and saw what was going on. Despite the fact that she was frantic, she came over and said quietly “Let me pay for the book.” She kept it subtle - she didn’t expect any thanks from the boy or any acknowledgment from anyone. She just paid for it, smiled, scooped up her antsy children and merchandise, and walked out the door. That’s agape.
Another smaller example of this kind of love took place when I was actually living on campus at OU. During the winter months, I had tendonitis in my foot, so I was on crutches. Now, for those of you who have never been on OU’s campus, let me just sum up what it’s like to get to and from class - there’s no straight path to any, ANY of the buildings, and there’s always patches of ice lurking the in the shadows that catch you off guard every time. Furthermore, there’s no escape from the wind in the heart of campus - you’re caught in some sort of awful Winter Wonderland . So, to get to and from classes on crutches with a backpack full of books was insanely difficult, not to mention painful, and for whatever reason I wasn’t allowed to have a temporary handicapped parking pass. On one particularly windy and cold day, I was trying to get to one of the buildings, and I actually had to stop because every muscle in my body was aching. A person saw me, and he came up and offered to carry my books, and when he saw how much pain I was in he even offered to carry me. I told him that wouldn’t be necessary, but I definitely took him up on the offer to carry my stuff. What struck me the most about all of this was that after he helped me get to class and he took off to go to his, he didn’t ask me for my number of anything like that - he just did what he did to be genuinely kind. It’s been four years, and I still remember his kindness.
So, to link this all back to my calling to be active in the social science realm - I feel that the Christian love that Jesus expects of us includes this sort of beauty, but he also expects us to go beyond the temporary fixes that we are all more than willing to give. Feeding the hungry, sheltering the homeless - it’s definitely a way to express our love, and it’s something that this community has embraced. But Jesus calls us to something deeper and much more challenging than the application of a band-aid. Feed the hungry - absolutely. But begin to ask the question as to why there’s hunger in the first place. Question why those with food are a minority, and while there are so many people who go hungry every night, the statistics of obesity are becoming even more and more staggering. Shelter the homeless - without a doubt. But with so many families on the brink of losing everything they have, the solution needs to go beyond providing a bed for an evening and it should focus on how to prevent this type of collapse in the future.
This is what I’m called to. For me, political science isn’t just the realm of crooked individuals with contradictory voting records and even worse catch phrases. It’s the area of study where I know that I can be an advocate for social justice. I know that in understanding the intricacies of the American political process, and learning more about the non-profit sector in my studies in the fall, I can begin to truly work towards that mission of love that Jesus has put forth for us. And it’s not just the political science realm that’s like that - that’s just my calling. Every graduate here has identified his or her strengths and weaknesses and found something that they’re passionate about. That passion in combination with the new commandment can be harnessed into something powerful and beautiful if we let it. It’s a way to use our gifts and talents that were bestowed on us from the moment of conception to bring this planet one step closer to the Kingdom of God.
I’m sure every graduate here can say that they have no idea what the future holds for them, especially in these uncertain times, and that’s terrifying and often pretty discouraging. But I’m confident in the fact that if we take what we’ve learned over the past four or more years and combine it with that unconditional love for our neighbor as Jesus expects of us, we’ll be living a life that far exceeds anything we imagined. It’ll be the life that God had envisioned for us before we even knew how to dream."
Thank you all for your love and support the past four years. I couldn't have done it without you.
So four years have come and gone, and I'm officially an OU alumni as of May 1st, 2010. Granted, I'm just going right back, so this is more of a massive speed-bump than anything, but I still can't fully wrap my head around the fact that I'm finished. I didn't get the grades that I wanted, and maybe I didn't do everything that I wanted to in the past four years - but I got through it, and I couldn't be more proud of myself.
For those of you who couldn't be at the graduation mass at SJF this past Sunday (*cough*Manda*cough*), I figured I would post my reflection here in case you were interested in reading it.
"Let me just say for starters, and I’m sure every graduate here can agree with me - I never thought I’d get to the point where I’d actually be wearing this cap & gown.
For those of you who don’t know me, my name is Pam Hester and I’m officially an OU alumni with a degree in Political Science & English (which basically means I’m OK with the idea of peanut butter & jelly at least twice a day for the next five-ish years). Because I’m passionate about American politics, I’ll often find myself getting into in-depth discussions about current events with people, particularly when it comes to the area of social justice, and almost every person that I’ve ever talked to in this sense will always ask “Why in the world are you a political science major?” It’s as if I’ve willingly accepted some sort of disease that will inevitably make me cantankerous, irrationally partisan, and greedy beyond all reason.
The truth is, getting this degree hasn’t just helped me become a more informed citizen, or a well-rounded student that’s ready to take on the master’s level courses in the fall. There’s a strong Christian calling for me within the social sciences. In the Gospel today, we hear Jesus give us that beautiful new commandment - the one that is as essential to being a Christian as believing in the death and resurrection of our Lord and Savior: “As I have loved you, so you also should love one another. This is how all will know that you are my disciples.” It’s agape - that unconditional and sacred love that should know no boundaries, have no expectations, and come as naturally as a smile.
There are so many examples of modern day Christian love emanating through what seems like nothing but depressing times, but sometimes it’s the smallest things that strike your heart so strongly that you feel as if Jesus himself is standing right next to you. A few years ago, I was working at a local bookstore at Christmastime (which seems like the strangest setting for an example of agape, considering any retail environment during the holiday season is just plain terrifying, but stick with me). We were in the middle of a massive rush, and I had a woman come up to the register with two impatient children, a huge pile of expensive items, and an expired coupon. Needless to say, she wasn’t pleasant. We completed her transaction, and she moved over a few feet to wrestle her kids into their jackets before they went out in the cold. Right after her, I had a boy come up to the register, and he was mentally impaired. He had a Magic Tree House book that he wanted to buy, and he handed me a five dollar bill. The problem is, those books typically run about $15. I tried to explain to him that he didn’t have enough money, but I couldn’t get him to understand, and I was at a complete loss as to what to do (furthermore, I couldn’t reach into my own pocket - that’s just asking for a write-up). The woman that I had just helped earlier was still working with her kids when she looked up and saw what was going on. Despite the fact that she was frantic, she came over and said quietly “Let me pay for the book.” She kept it subtle - she didn’t expect any thanks from the boy or any acknowledgment from anyone. She just paid for it, smiled, scooped up her antsy children and merchandise, and walked out the door. That’s agape.
Another smaller example of this kind of love took place when I was actually living on campus at OU. During the winter months, I had tendonitis in my foot, so I was on crutches. Now, for those of you who have never been on OU’s campus, let me just sum up what it’s like to get to and from class - there’s no straight path to any, ANY of the buildings, and there’s always patches of ice lurking the in the shadows that catch you off guard every time. Furthermore, there’s no escape from the wind in the heart of campus - you’re caught in some sort of awful Winter Wonderland . So, to get to and from classes on crutches with a backpack full of books was insanely difficult, not to mention painful, and for whatever reason I wasn’t allowed to have a temporary handicapped parking pass. On one particularly windy and cold day, I was trying to get to one of the buildings, and I actually had to stop because every muscle in my body was aching. A person saw me, and he came up and offered to carry my books, and when he saw how much pain I was in he even offered to carry me. I told him that wouldn’t be necessary, but I definitely took him up on the offer to carry my stuff. What struck me the most about all of this was that after he helped me get to class and he took off to go to his, he didn’t ask me for my number of anything like that - he just did what he did to be genuinely kind. It’s been four years, and I still remember his kindness.
So, to link this all back to my calling to be active in the social science realm - I feel that the Christian love that Jesus expects of us includes this sort of beauty, but he also expects us to go beyond the temporary fixes that we are all more than willing to give. Feeding the hungry, sheltering the homeless - it’s definitely a way to express our love, and it’s something that this community has embraced. But Jesus calls us to something deeper and much more challenging than the application of a band-aid. Feed the hungry - absolutely. But begin to ask the question as to why there’s hunger in the first place. Question why those with food are a minority, and while there are so many people who go hungry every night, the statistics of obesity are becoming even more and more staggering. Shelter the homeless - without a doubt. But with so many families on the brink of losing everything they have, the solution needs to go beyond providing a bed for an evening and it should focus on how to prevent this type of collapse in the future.
This is what I’m called to. For me, political science isn’t just the realm of crooked individuals with contradictory voting records and even worse catch phrases. It’s the area of study where I know that I can be an advocate for social justice. I know that in understanding the intricacies of the American political process, and learning more about the non-profit sector in my studies in the fall, I can begin to truly work towards that mission of love that Jesus has put forth for us. And it’s not just the political science realm that’s like that - that’s just my calling. Every graduate here has identified his or her strengths and weaknesses and found something that they’re passionate about. That passion in combination with the new commandment can be harnessed into something powerful and beautiful if we let it. It’s a way to use our gifts and talents that were bestowed on us from the moment of conception to bring this planet one step closer to the Kingdom of God.
I’m sure every graduate here can say that they have no idea what the future holds for them, especially in these uncertain times, and that’s terrifying and often pretty discouraging. But I’m confident in the fact that if we take what we’ve learned over the past four or more years and combine it with that unconditional love for our neighbor as Jesus expects of us, we’ll be living a life that far exceeds anything we imagined. It’ll be the life that God had envisioned for us before we even knew how to dream."
Thank you all for your love and support the past four years. I couldn't have done it without you.
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