I thought only Paris Hilton did that

It started when she first walked in the door - I said hello, and she said "Do you guys have almond milk?"

She was about 100 pounds soaking wet, and her skin was that burnt-cookie color that tends to only be associated with insecure, self-absorbed young adults and chameleons blending into the bark of a tree. Dressed in pristine, ankle-high heeled boots, a pre-torn denim skirt with a studded belt, and a black tank, you would've thought that she had stopped in to caffienate before going to a dance club complete with martinis and overly paid athletes. The problem is it was 5 o'clock on a Tuesday night - in Michigan.

After correcting her assumption that no, the title of "dark chocolate" does not in any way imply that it's vegan, she decided to go with a Black Thai Tea Latte, complete with an absurd amount of artificial flavorings and soy milk ("I just don't understand why no one carries almond milk," she complained pitifully, as if I could use my barista magic to contact the great Almond Cow and beg for a gift of it's precious milk).

As she walked out the door, I realized that in her overly-large prada purse was a tiny, shivering chihuahua, which looked back at me mournfully as she flipped her hair back and pulled her Droid phone out of her pocket. I didn't realize that creatures could look like they were experiencing suicidal thoughts until that moment.

Coffee Shop Thoughts

A cliche goal in life is to write and successfully publish a book. I've been tossing the idea around in my brain for quite some time now. It's not that I can't do it - I'm a talented and meticulous writer, and I love the art of words with a passion that's borderline unhealthy. I just haven't been able to put my finger on exactly what I want to write about.

I think I've figured it out. Coffee shops. Barista chronicles. I wouldn't want to focus on the business aspect at all - in fact, I think the focus on the dollar bills as opposed to the love of the product that typically starts any major chain is the reason that coffee is turning into a status-symbol commodity rather than, well, just coffee. I wouldn't even use the name of the coffee shops that I've been employed at, or the ones that I frequent. I think it'd be fascinating to just talk about the role a barista plays in a coffee shop - not so much the whole "taking pride in a great double shot of espresso," but more the customer relation aspect.

To put it bluntly: wouldn't a book about the nut jobs that frequent coffee shops be a good read? Bartenders can blame these people's actions on alcohol, waiters and waitresses can blame it on hunger - baristas can only blame it on the obscurity of human nature. Caffeine addiction doesn't even cover it with these people - you can lay more blame on the cycle of the moon than on that.

I would talk about some of the sweeter moments, and some of the absolutely incredible people that I've met along the way...but still, I can't help but feel like people would be more interested in the crazy aspect than anything. There's nothing like a book that makes you legitimately laugh out loud and thank your lucky stars that you have your sanity and an occupation that keeps you as far away from these people as possible.