I thought only Paris Hilton did that

It started when she first walked in the door - I said hello, and she said "Do you guys have almond milk?"

She was about 100 pounds soaking wet, and her skin was that burnt-cookie color that tends to only be associated with insecure, self-absorbed young adults and chameleons blending into the bark of a tree. Dressed in pristine, ankle-high heeled boots, a pre-torn denim skirt with a studded belt, and a black tank, you would've thought that she had stopped in to caffienate before going to a dance club complete with martinis and overly paid athletes. The problem is it was 5 o'clock on a Tuesday night - in Michigan.

After correcting her assumption that no, the title of "dark chocolate" does not in any way imply that it's vegan, she decided to go with a Black Thai Tea Latte, complete with an absurd amount of artificial flavorings and soy milk ("I just don't understand why no one carries almond milk," she complained pitifully, as if I could use my barista magic to contact the great Almond Cow and beg for a gift of it's precious milk).

As she walked out the door, I realized that in her overly-large prada purse was a tiny, shivering chihuahua, which looked back at me mournfully as she flipped her hair back and pulled her Droid phone out of her pocket. I didn't realize that creatures could look like they were experiencing suicidal thoughts until that moment.