Today, for the first time in quite a while, I decided to get in my car and just drive.
Needless to say, it's been a rough-ish month with the various adjustments to the new baby in the house, classes being tougher than ever, and friends dropping off the map like flies because of the ever-important job hunt. So this afternoon, I was having a difficult time getting the nasties out of my head. I played guitar for a while, but nothing was sounding right. I tried reading, writing, even using some pastels and drawing - nothing seemed to take the edge off.
So, I got in my car.
I made it all the way down to OU's campus with the intention of walking around and posting flyers around the various buildings, only to realize as soon as I parked that I had left my coat at home, and in the twenty minutes it took for me to get to the OC the temperature had dropped at least ten degrees.
So, back in the car.
I stopped and got a hot chocolate at the new Bean and Leaf cafe in Rochester. (Not to be "that guy" that advertises in their blog, but ya'll should go to this place. Their tea is unbe-freaking-lievable, especially the cinnamon one. Nom nom nom.) Afterwards, I just put my ipod on shuffle and continued to drive north, letting my mind go blank.
On days where your goal is to be productive, to get as much done as possible, and to put all of the negative thoughts out of your mind until you have time to deal with them later - sometimes those are the best days to let the steering wheel and your cheap speakers in your beat up Ford Escort ZX2 take control of your life. It was soothing to just drive around various areas of Macomb and just look at the trees, thinking that soon the sun would be shining for more than ten minute spurts and we would see the blossoms fill the branches...I don't think any form of productivity could have put me in that mindset today.
So, when all I wanted was to go out and actually spend spring break doing something worthwhile and memorable, apparently all my brain needed was a long car ride with no one but the stereo speaking. Who would've thought.
Thursday, February 26, 2009
Wednesday, January 28, 2009
Warm fuzzies on a fluffy snowflake day
Little Aiden Michael Hester was born 8:23 pm yesterday evening. A whopping seven pounds and four ounces, and a bundle of pure sweetness. His eyes are so bright, and at less than a day old, he's already trying to look around figure everyone and everything out. His mom's doing great, grandparents are smiling from ear to ear, and I'm caught up in all of my thoughts just trying to comprehend the entire situation.
When I was looking at him yesterday, touching his tiny little fingers and chubby little cheeks, I tried to fully comprehend how people choose not to believe in God when something so perfect and so pure can come into existence within nine months. Little button nose, a bit of peach fuzz on the top of his head, rosebud lips - each feature is distinctly his as well as distinctly linked to various members of our family.
And at the same time, as perfect and pure as that little creature is, it's amazing how just a little coo from him while he's curled up in your arms can strike a bit of fear into your heart. In a few short hours, I realized that my whole life is going to be completely different from this point on, in a lot of wonderful ways, and in a lot of ways that will cause plenty of frustration and tears. You can't help but wonder about all the ways that he'll succeed, and yet you're worried to see where the bumps (or even sinkholes) will appear on his path.
While all of these thoughts were racing through my head, I just held him close as he scrunched his tiny nose and yawned, and all I could tell him with conviction was "I'm Auntie Pammy - and I'm going to spoil you rotten."
When I was looking at him yesterday, touching his tiny little fingers and chubby little cheeks, I tried to fully comprehend how people choose not to believe in God when something so perfect and so pure can come into existence within nine months. Little button nose, a bit of peach fuzz on the top of his head, rosebud lips - each feature is distinctly his as well as distinctly linked to various members of our family.
And at the same time, as perfect and pure as that little creature is, it's amazing how just a little coo from him while he's curled up in your arms can strike a bit of fear into your heart. In a few short hours, I realized that my whole life is going to be completely different from this point on, in a lot of wonderful ways, and in a lot of ways that will cause plenty of frustration and tears. You can't help but wonder about all the ways that he'll succeed, and yet you're worried to see where the bumps (or even sinkholes) will appear on his path.
While all of these thoughts were racing through my head, I just held him close as he scrunched his tiny nose and yawned, and all I could tell him with conviction was "I'm Auntie Pammy - and I'm going to spoil you rotten."
Monday, January 26, 2009
...I think it's broken.
Tim and I were walking to a shoe place in downtown Rochester, when I noticed a faded yellow sign leaned up against the door that said "HOE REPAIR" in bold, black letters.
Here's a list of questions:
1. What factors determine a broken hoe?
2. How do we know if this hoe desires to be fixed?
3. Does the hoe have a choice in how it's repaired?
4. Who does the repairing of the hoe?
5. Is hoe repair something you can get a degree in, or is it a simple certification process?
6. In these horrible economic times, are there ample opportunities for hoe repairmen and women, or are there simply not enough hoes to go around?
7. Do hoe repairmen and women aim to change the face of the planet, one broken hoe at a time?
8. Is hoe repair an hourly position, salary position, or based solely on a hoe-by-hoe basis?
For all of you who are interested, these are the sorts of questions that political scientists should always be asking. That is why, in fact, I've chosen to finish this blog and go to bed as opposed to finishing my homework for my Communism course.
7. Do hoe repairmen and women aim to change the face of the planet, one broken hoe at a time?
8. Is hoe repair an hourly position, salary position, or based solely on a hoe-by-hoe basis?
For all of you who are interested, these are the sorts of questions that political scientists should always be asking. That is why, in fact, I've chosen to finish this blog and go to bed as opposed to finishing my homework for my Communism course.
Sunday, January 25, 2009
Discoveries
The retreat this weekend was unbelievable on so many levels. From Tom's impression of Grover, teaching us all the concept of the words "near" and "far," to misunderstandings during the game Catch Phrase ("He wrote the Peanuts" sure sounds an awful lot like "He rode the penis"), to simply reconnecting with friends ("You're the Mindy to my Mork") and with God (who is also a good friend) - I was smiling nonstop. I feel as if I've been so disconnected with humanity over the past couple of months, and this was exactly the jump start that I've been needing.
It's amazing how even when you're on the planning team, sometimes certain aspects of the retreat really hit you once your actually going through the motions on the planned weekend. I fully realized that I've been going through a mild form of depression for the past month. I really thought it was a bad case of the winter blues initially, considering how cold and gray it's been since freakin' October. But honestly, I've been sleeping more than usual (not just because of my bizarre work schedule), I've been separating myself more and more from friends because I felt so numb and I didn't want people to notice it, and I feel like I'm an outsider with my own family...and I know exactly what it is that's dragging me to the teary-eye mood level. It's not like the situation is going to go away any time soon, but even just in coming to the reality that I was down and not just persistently sleepy and numb helped me to feel loads better.
So, there's going to be lots of working out, crocheting, and drawing over the next couple of months in an attempt to heal. Look out, world :)
Tim and I spent an amazing day together. Starting off with visiting my family (it was my mommy's birthday on Friday), we then went to get a simple soup-and-salad dinner and watch the movie "Defiance" with his brother, Brian. Unbelievable movie, might I add. It was intense - not for the faint of heart by any means, but an incredible story that you really don't want to miss out on. It was just so wonderful to spend a day with the boy - it's incredible to me that even after a year of dating, I still get the butterflies in my stomach and serious sweaty-hand-syndrome when we're holding hands during a movie.
Alright, time to go to bed. 4 am comes early (believe it or not). More to come later.
It's amazing how even when you're on the planning team, sometimes certain aspects of the retreat really hit you once your actually going through the motions on the planned weekend. I fully realized that I've been going through a mild form of depression for the past month. I really thought it was a bad case of the winter blues initially, considering how cold and gray it's been since freakin' October. But honestly, I've been sleeping more than usual (not just because of my bizarre work schedule), I've been separating myself more and more from friends because I felt so numb and I didn't want people to notice it, and I feel like I'm an outsider with my own family...and I know exactly what it is that's dragging me to the teary-eye mood level. It's not like the situation is going to go away any time soon, but even just in coming to the reality that I was down and not just persistently sleepy and numb helped me to feel loads better.
So, there's going to be lots of working out, crocheting, and drawing over the next couple of months in an attempt to heal. Look out, world :)
Tim and I spent an amazing day together. Starting off with visiting my family (it was my mommy's birthday on Friday), we then went to get a simple soup-and-salad dinner and watch the movie "Defiance" with his brother, Brian. Unbelievable movie, might I add. It was intense - not for the faint of heart by any means, but an incredible story that you really don't want to miss out on. It was just so wonderful to spend a day with the boy - it's incredible to me that even after a year of dating, I still get the butterflies in my stomach and serious sweaty-hand-syndrome when we're holding hands during a movie.
Alright, time to go to bed. 4 am comes early (believe it or not). More to come later.
Monday, December 29, 2008
...When suddenly, Christmas snuck up and bitch slapped me.
(Per Manda's request, I'm posting something new. :) And I kind of wanted to post, considering it's been way too long. Again.)
The holidays came and went too quickly. With Matt and Jen's wedding, rearranging the house for little Aidan's arrival in a month (what?!), moving Tim into his new condo, and celebrating good ol' Christmas, it's been a big, swirling blur of stress and euphoria.
I can't believe I didn't write a single thing about the wedding! It was, by far, the most fun I've had at both a ceremony and a reception. Matt and Jen both were glowing the entire night - they're finally hitched!! My cousin, Ryan, and I stood up together. Quick side note (or not so quick): Ryan and I were together all the time as kids. I learned many valuable lessons through his generous outpouring of wisdom, such as the bottom of Uncle Danny's swimming pool doesn't smell like raspberries no matter how hard you sniff, and filling an empty beer can with the shavings from leftover 4th of July sparklers and lighting a match results in both pretty colors and scaring the bejesus out of Aunt Shar. We haven't seen each other in a year or more because he had to move to North Carolina, so putting us together for the wedding was either a decision made out of love or complete idiocy.
He made faces at me to get me to laugh during the entire ceremony. And, at one point, he came up to me and said "Pam, I don't know how to tell you this, but I think your sister is pregnant." Mind you, she's 8 months along.
During the bridal party dance, Ryan and I were together while my cousin Johnny and Meghan danced next to us. We made a quick decision to switch partners, so that Johnny and Ryan could seductively dance with one another, while Meghan and I danced together laughing our asses off. It turned into quite a trend - by the end of the bridal dance, everyone had switched partners to dance with either a relative or someone of the same sex (or both!). The older generation present at the reception was so pissed that we messed up such a lovely tradition, while the rest of us laughed so hard we were crying.
Tim looked meow meow meow in his uniform (as Manda would say - two paws up!). It's the first time I've seen him in his blues, and I wasn't disappointed at all *wink*. We're both such awkward slow dancers though - there were definitely bruised toes by the end of the night. But, those are the little things that I wouldn't trade for the world.
So yes - much love, laughter, and rum and coke at the wedding. Awesome.
Christmas was amazing as always. This was the first Christmas in probably two or three years that I felt "comfort and joy." Keeping all the gifts low-key, spending time with both my family and Tim's family (including his unbelievably fun little cousins) - as cheestastic as it is, it was nice to kind of count my blessings. It's been a rough year, so when things slow down a bit, I have to sit back and smile.
Tim is officially moved into his new condo!! The place looks gorgeous. Helping him unpack has been one of my favorite Tim and Pam memories to date. There's nothing like going through old photographs together, learning little things about him that even after a year of dating I still don't know (although the best moment was when he pulled this squished, crusty, missing-one-eye and overly loved crocodile from a box, saying "This is Izod!" I'm giggling just thinking about it). I'm just scared, because I promised him he could look through my old pictures - he's going to see Pam in her chunker "I don't care how I look" days. Yikes.
It's kind of fun to find all the little things that aren't quite right with the place. For example: he went to take a shower yesterday, and at one point I hear the quiet running of the water, and then I hear a strong gushing like the Mississippi just burst through a dam. Turns out the faucet came undone and flew across the bathroom.
Despite all of this, it's actually been a very slow couple of weeks. My hours at work were cut, and most people are busy around this time of year, so I haven't really seen many of my friends. I'm missing them all terribly...
Well, I believe that's all for now. I'm going to go do some research, and then knit a baby blanket. Oh yeah. That's how I roll, G.
The holidays came and went too quickly. With Matt and Jen's wedding, rearranging the house for little Aidan's arrival in a month (what?!), moving Tim into his new condo, and celebrating good ol' Christmas, it's been a big, swirling blur of stress and euphoria.
I can't believe I didn't write a single thing about the wedding! It was, by far, the most fun I've had at both a ceremony and a reception. Matt and Jen both were glowing the entire night - they're finally hitched!! My cousin, Ryan, and I stood up together. Quick side note (or not so quick): Ryan and I were together all the time as kids. I learned many valuable lessons through his generous outpouring of wisdom, such as the bottom of Uncle Danny's swimming pool doesn't smell like raspberries no matter how hard you sniff, and filling an empty beer can with the shavings from leftover 4th of July sparklers and lighting a match results in both pretty colors and scaring the bejesus out of Aunt Shar. We haven't seen each other in a year or more because he had to move to North Carolina, so putting us together for the wedding was either a decision made out of love or complete idiocy.
He made faces at me to get me to laugh during the entire ceremony. And, at one point, he came up to me and said "Pam, I don't know how to tell you this, but I think your sister is pregnant." Mind you, she's 8 months along.
During the bridal party dance, Ryan and I were together while my cousin Johnny and Meghan danced next to us. We made a quick decision to switch partners, so that Johnny and Ryan could seductively dance with one another, while Meghan and I danced together laughing our asses off. It turned into quite a trend - by the end of the bridal dance, everyone had switched partners to dance with either a relative or someone of the same sex (or both!). The older generation present at the reception was so pissed that we messed up such a lovely tradition, while the rest of us laughed so hard we were crying.
Tim looked meow meow meow in his uniform (as Manda would say - two paws up!). It's the first time I've seen him in his blues, and I wasn't disappointed at all *wink*. We're both such awkward slow dancers though - there were definitely bruised toes by the end of the night. But, those are the little things that I wouldn't trade for the world.
So yes - much love, laughter, and rum and coke at the wedding. Awesome.
Christmas was amazing as always. This was the first Christmas in probably two or three years that I felt "comfort and joy." Keeping all the gifts low-key, spending time with both my family and Tim's family (including his unbelievably fun little cousins) - as cheestastic as it is, it was nice to kind of count my blessings. It's been a rough year, so when things slow down a bit, I have to sit back and smile.
Tim is officially moved into his new condo!! The place looks gorgeous. Helping him unpack has been one of my favorite Tim and Pam memories to date. There's nothing like going through old photographs together, learning little things about him that even after a year of dating I still don't know (although the best moment was when he pulled this squished, crusty, missing-one-eye and overly loved crocodile from a box, saying "This is Izod!" I'm giggling just thinking about it). I'm just scared, because I promised him he could look through my old pictures - he's going to see Pam in her chunker "I don't care how I look" days. Yikes.
It's kind of fun to find all the little things that aren't quite right with the place. For example: he went to take a shower yesterday, and at one point I hear the quiet running of the water, and then I hear a strong gushing like the Mississippi just burst through a dam. Turns out the faucet came undone and flew across the bathroom.
Despite all of this, it's actually been a very slow couple of weeks. My hours at work were cut, and most people are busy around this time of year, so I haven't really seen many of my friends. I'm missing them all terribly...
Well, I believe that's all for now. I'm going to go do some research, and then knit a baby blanket. Oh yeah. That's how I roll, G.
Friday, November 28, 2008
Happiness is...
A warm blanket.
A sleeping cat at the end of your bed (and no, he's not plotting my demise).
A cup of wild sweet orange tea.
A cuddle bug curled up on the couch with you.
Episodes of The Office.
Emerson and Huxley - all in one day.
Pirate pictures on cell phones that talk.
Leftovers from Thanksgiving day.
A quick kiss on the cheek while walking through a store.
An epic battle between the Hiphopopotamus and the Rhymenocerous.
Sleep deprived, slap-happy moments.
Dragon tears/Jelly beans.
Willow tree collectibles.
Penguins.
Panic buttons that don't do much other than scream "PANIC!!!!" when you push it.
Bumping into old friends randomly at the Apple store.
Convincing friends that the bird actually really isn't the word. It's "your mom."
Sore fingers from playing the guitar too much.
Not doing homework for a day - even though that might be a terrible idea.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=z-kjM1asH-8 Horrible Sarah Palin moments that make you cry for her and laugh hysterically at the same time. Sweet Moses.
Finding mushy notes from his boot-camp days tucked in a drawer.
More to come later...
A sleeping cat at the end of your bed (and no, he's not plotting my demise).
A cup of wild sweet orange tea.
A cuddle bug curled up on the couch with you.
Episodes of The Office.
Emerson and Huxley - all in one day.
Pirate pictures on cell phones that talk.
Leftovers from Thanksgiving day.
A quick kiss on the cheek while walking through a store.
An epic battle between the Hiphopopotamus and the Rhymenocerous.
Sleep deprived, slap-happy moments.
Dragon tears/Jelly beans.
Willow tree collectibles.
Penguins.
Panic buttons that don't do much other than scream "PANIC!!!!" when you push it.
Bumping into old friends randomly at the Apple store.
Convincing friends that the bird actually really isn't the word. It's "your mom."
Sore fingers from playing the guitar too much.
Not doing homework for a day - even though that might be a terrible idea.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=z-kjM1asH-8 Horrible Sarah Palin moments that make you cry for her and laugh hysterically at the same time. Sweet Moses.
Finding mushy notes from his boot-camp days tucked in a drawer.
More to come later...
I suck at posting
Seriously, I really wish I would blog regularly. I need to jump on that productive train.
I've been doing a lot of reminiscing lately. Ever since Matt and Jen's wedding, watching family come and go quickly, celebrating Thanksgiving with Tim for the first time...I've really had time to seriously sit down and think about where the past year has brought me. I've lost a lot of friendships, and I've seen a lot of people leave my life that I thought I could never live without (some actually physically moved away, while others just faded into the background). But, you know, I got through everything in one piece, and I'm such a better person now because of all of it.
It all really hit me when I was driving with Tim from his family's place to my family gathering yesterday. At this point last year, I was having massive arguments with members of my family, my significant other didn't even want to spend time with my side for Thanksgiving, my job was looking less than promising, and my grades were slipping terribly because of the amount of stress that I was under. And yesterday? I got to show Tim's little cousins how to draw an angry fish/shark (wish I'm sure their parents will "thank" me for later), I got to hold the newest member of the Brown family (little Dillan), I realized that this time next year I'll be playing constantly with my little nephew, and I got to spend the entire day with my best friend. Over the past year, I've practically finished up my undergrad (one year left, baby!), I found a new job that is getting me through and is actually worthwhile, and I've made some new friends that are freakin' awesome.
Yeah. Good stuff.
Life is really a bitch sometimes. But I'm a firm believer in the whole "what doesn't kill you makes you stronger" catch phrase. And frankly, I'm glad that I went through all of the nonsense, because that means that I can actually appreciate what I have now.
So, long story short, I'm really thankful. It's always nice to have a moment to sit back and count the blessings in your life.
I've been doing a lot of reminiscing lately. Ever since Matt and Jen's wedding, watching family come and go quickly, celebrating Thanksgiving with Tim for the first time...I've really had time to seriously sit down and think about where the past year has brought me. I've lost a lot of friendships, and I've seen a lot of people leave my life that I thought I could never live without (some actually physically moved away, while others just faded into the background). But, you know, I got through everything in one piece, and I'm such a better person now because of all of it.
It all really hit me when I was driving with Tim from his family's place to my family gathering yesterday. At this point last year, I was having massive arguments with members of my family, my significant other didn't even want to spend time with my side for Thanksgiving, my job was looking less than promising, and my grades were slipping terribly because of the amount of stress that I was under. And yesterday? I got to show Tim's little cousins how to draw an angry fish/shark (wish I'm sure their parents will "thank" me for later), I got to hold the newest member of the Brown family (little Dillan), I realized that this time next year I'll be playing constantly with my little nephew, and I got to spend the entire day with my best friend. Over the past year, I've practically finished up my undergrad (one year left, baby!), I found a new job that is getting me through and is actually worthwhile, and I've made some new friends that are freakin' awesome.
Yeah. Good stuff.
Life is really a bitch sometimes. But I'm a firm believer in the whole "what doesn't kill you makes you stronger" catch phrase. And frankly, I'm glad that I went through all of the nonsense, because that means that I can actually appreciate what I have now.
So, long story short, I'm really thankful. It's always nice to have a moment to sit back and count the blessings in your life.
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